(I am pretty sure I have mentioned this topic before, so if some personal mumbling doesn’t interest you, just scroll down and look at the pictures, and maybe the next post will be interesting – Management)
I started this space way back when because I wanted a place to vent. Then I let a few people know about it. Then others found it on their own. Now, the most random people in my life tell me, “Hey, I found your site!” I used to be ok with being vulnerable on this thing. That hasn’t happened much in the last little while.
Part of the issue is that I communicate much better in person. That’s right. I am a “talker”. I do enjoy writing, but I process ideas in coversation. It helps me to clarify.
I also have witnessed many online conversations turn mean, vindictive, and self-righteous over things that can really be open to either side. Now I am not so self absorbed to think that I have enough readership or the type of readership that would lend itself to such a back-and-forth. But I fear it nonetheless.
For whatever reason I want people… you… to like me… For whatever reason I seem to fear rejection. Regardless if it would ever come to pass or not.
Sadly this has prevented me from posting much of what has been in my head lately. Luckily I have an awesome friend who pretends not to be freaked out when I share some of my new theological leanings, and confess my plans of grandeur that may or may not need immediate implimentation. I try to only make her anxious on a bi-weekly basis if I can help it.
I am going to try and share what I am thinking, living, feeling. For whatever reason, it is harder this time around. For whatever reason, I fear your response. I fear I may not have answers. Which is really quite silly. It is really not as big a deal as it is in my head. Never is.
